Week 24: Tender Times

A few days ago a friend asked me how emotions are during pregnancy.

“I’ve never felt more stable.” I replied. It’s atypical for a preggo, but true. If my emotions are at all awry, it is because the good feelings resonate more than ever.

I am distinctly aware of my love for Dave, how much I rely on him and how safe it is to do so. On Monday he made a special birthday dinner for me, so that could celebrate together. I came home late from class, which was an especially grueling episode of boredom and monotone speech about psychological research. I finally understood the expression bored to tears.

As I walked up the stairs to our apartment I could see roses on the table and candles flickering around them. Dinner was stuffed chicken and rice and smiles and staring. What is the reverse emotion of a broken heart? What is the term for the polar opposite of that strong, consuming feeling? That is what I felt.

Dave made a mix CD for me and we sat on the couch and listened to it. It was like falling in love with your best friend for the hundredth time; comfortable like a favorite pair of jeans, but thrilling, like those jeans make your butt look hot.

Then a song came on with a country twang. Dave is usually apologetic about his secret love of country music and I act like it is an act of generosity to allow him to listen to it, but I often like it. The song brought tears to my eyes, which then overflowed. It was so simple and sublime. I want it to be our family song because it is all about support and dreaming and love. If you must know, the song is My Wish by Rascal Flatts.

I have often been touched by the goodness in the world. However, when my hormones go crazy they typically exaggerate the anxiety and paranoia that comes so easily to me. However, this time, this glorious time, whatever is going on to create this little person is accentuating my awe of this life.