Week 16: Trying to hear peace over this running commentary
“I am, four months.”
“Okay…” She smiled, “The last time I asked a woman she told me she was adopting.”
I was mid-tour yesterday in yet another day care center. This one boasted a Christian base and a very nice infant teacher, but other than that, it was nondescript.
I skulked through two more centers during my lunch break today. One had harsh lighting and linoleum floors throughout. The next was slightly better with a constant video feed onto the internet of each classroom as well as sign-language lessons for infants. Online I have found long lists of questions to ask at each center, but while I’m ambling through each one, I just wait to feel if it is right.
I could not help but hear the myriad of voices that still resonate from growing up in a fanatical Christian home school community. The voices chanted in unison the theory that sending your child to day care, or public school for that matter, is a close cousin to selling their soul to the highest bidder.
“How could you just leave your three-month old baby here?” One squawked.
Another muttered aloofly, “You obviously don’t care if your baby bonds with you.”
“Don’t you realize that being home and making your children and house your life is your calling, as it is every woman’s?” Another said, condescendingly.
Allow me to explain. I know that some women want to be full time homemakers during some points in or all of their lives. Please note that I said want to be a full time homemaker. I do not believe it is a blanket calling, as I do not believe there is one blanket calling for men. Usually when I admit that I do not want to drop out of school, quit my job and retire to my home for the next twenty years I reap a crop of stutters and stares.
I believe that God gives two parents for a reason and not every Mommy wants to be a homemaker and not every Daddy wants to work extra-long hours to support everyone. Dave and I are hoping for some kind of alternative arrangement in which we both get to spend time raising our babies and spend time in our careers. The details of this are yet to be determined.
So, on I search, because we need all of the information before we can make a decision. I will continue trying to diminish the voices of the 16-passenger-van driving, long-skirt-wearing women that swarmed my youth. I am just waiting to feel what is right.
posted by Jen | 4:55 PM
4 Comments:
So... you're opting out of wearing the long denim skirt, driving the 15 passenger and sitting at your kitchen table , sewing those matching blouses and/or shirts for the girls and boys of your large family? I hear ya sister! I hear ya! I'd definitely take care of your little one everyday if I lived closer--for a price of course (;-P).
And another thing, no one else has been created as "YOU" so you need to continue going after the things God has put on your heart. Breaking tradition (especially family tradition) is a wonder in itself! Your baby is going to be wonderfully loved and bonded with mommy and daddy. There's no doubt!
I found your blog through Karen's site. I want to encourage you to listen to your heart. I too worked outside the home for quite some time and fought those same evil voices. It was exhausting sometimes defending myself, but I always found that I was happier when I worked some outside the home. In return this made me a happier mom to my kids. I'll be praying for you that God orders your steps and leads you to the best childcare situation for your new baby.
After I had Nicolas I wanted nothing more than to sit home and stare at his beautiful little face all day long. But that wasn't possible. My boss even gave me the option when we had to lay off my assistant. He sais, " I know you want to be home with Nicolas, so if you want to leave I'll understand. If you choose to stay, we have to let Beverly go." Well just put it all in my hands why don't you. But early this year Nicolas was sick (21 months old) and I had to stay home with him for a week. I almost lost my mind! I think the best I could ever do, in order to save my sanity and so that Nicolas doesn't grow up to hate me, is work part-time! I need that time to do something else, instead of being at home and cooking and cleaning. So, don't listen to the voices, do what is best for Jen and baby. That baby is going to love you and bond with you in a way you can never imagine, even if you work full-time. Don't worry, GOD knows what he is doing!!
i know i am so late... i am finally getting caught up on things! having 2 boys under 2 (well, one is about to be 2)can be VERY crazy and distracting... nobody else can tell you what is right for you and your baby. every family is different. I love staying at home with my boys, but i miss working, too... i totally agree with joanna. don't listen to the voices! you and your husband will know what is best for YOUR family... i do think you should reconsider the jumper dresses...they're timeless, dont you think?;)
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