Week 33: Shower Power

I was the center of attention as our friends and family got together to give us a ton of baby stuff over the past two weeks. We had one shower in Delaware, where I grew up, and one here in New Jersey. It was like Christmas for spoiled brats.

There was one striking difference between these showers and my wedding shower (which occurred a brief twenty-one months ago and I remember that I wore a pink sweater and my bangs were in my eyes and I was a ball of anticipation). The gifts were not really for me. The clothes won't fit me, I don't want to drink from the bottles and I'm so over pacifiers. When I realized this, it hit me; I was not the center of attention, my belly was. It was the baby that everyone was so excited about, not me.

They (psychologists, of course) say that there is a period in adulthood where we develop either a sense of generativity or stagnation. Generativity is often a biproduct of parenting in which we develop a focus outside of ourselves and an interest in seeing growth in the community and in our own families. We do not maintain the focus on personal development as strongly as when we first stumbled out of our parent's house and tried to become a self-sufficient adult. All of this psycho-babble (yeah, I went there) to say, it hit me recently that my focus is going to change. I think it has already started.

I saw a frightening scene at Toys R Us last night. A four-year-old girl rode in the back of a shopping cart, jumping in and out as she found things she liked, humming and talking to entertain herself. She appeared oblivious to her mother, who was ranting into a tiny cell phone, "Well you tell him that was the deadline and I cannot do anything until he signs that contract! ... That's the way it is, I was there all night working on it...(insert stereotypical workaholic lingo here)." This went on for a while and the only interaction between the mother and daughter was this:
Daughter: Oooh! I like this!
Mom: Put it back! Santa has to have something to give you, you can't have everything you want right now!

I took a mental snapshot of the scene and filed it under Who I Never Want to Be. Come on, you're shopping with your daughter. Turn off the phone and shop with her.

I can feel my focus broadening, or, (may I?) dilating. I want the best for our family and that includes more than the narrow focus of mybestinterest. So let the generativity develop and I will hang up my cell phone and respectfully thank you on behalf of my child for all of those wonderful gifts (you bought for him).