Preggo, Take 1

These are the tales of my first pregnancy. My husband, Dave, and I have been married for a year and a half and live in a small town in northern New Jersey. We can't wait to meet our new child!
Dave ~ Thank you for the great site design.

Name:
Location: New York Metro Area, United States

Monday

Week 22: The next foothold

Example
I cried on Saturday about my job. Dave got an earfull. Sometimes I feel like my job is insignificant. I am a vocational rehab counselor for adults with disabilities. It is intermittently worthwhile and discouraging.

This morning a staff person told me that one of my clients was crying. I found her out front, sitting in the sun and staring at the ground. We talked for a few minutes and then she said, "What really upsets me is ... are you leaving?" She usually avoids direct eye contact, but in that moment she looked right at me.

"No, I'm not leaving." I explained that I will be gone for a short time after the baby is born, and then I will return. She nodded and said she was ready to go back to work.

There it was. The little flicker of hope that somebody cares that I am at least here, perhaps not renovating a society, but at least a constant in her life.

Week 21: I Love Liz Lange

Example

Some women develop infatuation for their OB during pregnancy, I, however, am smitten with Liz Lange, the maternity clothes designer for Target. Besides, I just had to switch obstetricians and my new one smells like cheap cologne. Liz understands me and I never realized it as much as I did yesterday.

Equipped with a coupon, I flipped through the racks of Liz’s handiwork. The department was disastrous, but I do not blame Liz for that. How could I? An hour and two trips to the dressing room later, I was out of the store with two new pairs of pants and a tank top.

Friends of mine who were pregnant several years before me have told me war stories of the maternity clothes that were available to them. It is so sad that they did not have Liz, because yesterday I felt like I was dressing myself in my typical style. There were not muumuus to decide between, but slim fitting dress pants, minus the zipper and button waist. Liz knows. This is a great thing about her line: her pants are not sized only Small, Medium and Large, like in some other stores; she labels her pants with the size you were before pregnancy! This morning, as I put on my new pants I thought about kind it was of Liz to allow a woman who has gained ten pounds and lost her waist line to sport a pair of pants with a size 4 label. Its like a secret between friends, she knows that’s just what I needed.

Thursday

The pregnancy glow blinds all inhibition...

Pregnancy is a land in which there are ample advice givers. The sight of a pregnant woman removes all inhibitions from aquaintances and passers by. They utter whatever they think, as if it is a great relief to finally set their tongue free. It is unfortunate that a fragile fat woman is the recipient of this. Here I will keep a list of the, we'll call them interesting, comments I receive over the next few months.

  • You're only 20 weeks along? Are you sure you're not having twins? You're so big!
  • Oh, your stomach is hard ... it feels like my boob implants.
  • more to come, I'm sure!

Monday

Week 19: Baby Boy

Example

I have always known that my Mom and my brother have a special relationship. She does not love Darin more than Jessica, Rebecca or me or show favoritism, but there is something in her eyes that only sparkles when she looks at her son. I think that this mother-son link is similar to the father-daughter link; it is implicit and touches our souls in a distinct way. So, I am thrilled to announce that I will experience this mother-son connection in only a few short months (barring a misread on the part of ultra sound technician). Yes, it’s a BOY!

I waddled into the waiting room gleefully. Waddling not because I am so large yet, but because my bladder was about to burst, per doctor’s orders. With a quick scan I quickly surmised that we were probably the happiest people there. The majority of patients at a medical imaging facility are there to explore much scarier things than a little baby. I tried to keep my cool and not make light of the thick tension in the room.

Once in the small room, Dave stood near my feet with a clear shot at the little screen, and Kelly, the technician, swirled warm gel over my increasingly-large belly. The three of us stared at the screen as a mirage of black and white static gave way to a head, torso, arms and legs.

A moment later she said, “It looks like a boy. See, right there?" She pointed at the screen. I did not see anything that resembled "boy" but Dave later said that he saw it. In a subsequent phone call Lindsay suggested, "Maybe it takes one to know one."

This was not a moment we were prepared for. We were convinced it was a girl and had referred to my belly as “Brielle” since the pregnancy test came out positive. My smile froze as I attempted to convey a healthy baby is all we care about and Dave bit his tongue from saying, “Wrong answer, check again.” [This will be a comical (though omitted) portion of the story in the future and only two days later we are already dreamy-eyed about a little boy.]

“There is the arm,” Kelly was saying and I looked up, wide eyed, as I saw my son reach up with tiny arms and touch his mouth with five tiny fingers. If hearing the heartbeat did not convince me, this did. There is a real person in there!

That night I poured over Dave’s childhood picture album, wondering how our son will look as a baby, a toddler and a kid. I wonder if he will have Dave’s thick curly hair, his smile, his kind demeanor. I wonder what of me will show up—hopefully something good. I cannot wait to hold him in my arms and stare at his face and tell him, “Don’t worry, just relax, you are going to have a wonderful life.”

Wednesday

Week 19: A good week.

I absolutely must write, though I have little to share. On Friday (in two days!) Dave and I will wake up and I will drink two glasses of water and we will go to the imaging center where we will see our baby for the first time! Hopefully, we will also find out if it is, in Karen's eloquent words, a hamburger or a hot dog.

Yesterday I began my sixth year of my college education. It was my baby's second semester. I think h/she liked it, because h/she was still most of the time, probably riveted by the professors. Or bored -- depends which parent the baby will take after. I am in love with school while Dave was never so infatuated. Maybe this early exposure will sway him or her toward a love for college, or perhaps it will be sensory overload. Or, most likely, I think my child is exponentially more developed than possible.

In two days I will write another entry and it will be after my breath is taken away by the sight of my child.