Week 6: Anxious
I am struggling between fear and elation about the baby, whose heartbeat has begun tapping inside that tiny chest this week. Fear is the most common emotion lately. Then, sometimes, a tiny beam of light pin-pricks through my doubt and I know I am falling in love with those small, webby hands and feet that are just starting to move inside of me.
Last night I dreamt about our baby. It was a boy with pale skin and light hair. I looked at him and thought, “That can’t be my baby.” But then I looked at him and I immediately loved that child strongly, naturally. Dave zoomed him around like an airplane and I told him, “You can’t do that with an infant.”
A few days ago God reminded me of the verse, “Do not be anxious about anything, but with prayer and petition offer your requests to God” (Philipeans 4:6). He encouraged me to begin to pray every time I start to worry. That is going to have to become habit; my tendency is to worry to the point of obsessing.
I have no solving words to end this with. Just that I want to pray more. Trust more. And what I truly want to do is relax and enjoy this wonderful time, more.
Last night I dreamt about our baby. It was a boy with pale skin and light hair. I looked at him and thought, “That can’t be my baby.” But then I looked at him and I immediately loved that child strongly, naturally. Dave zoomed him around like an airplane and I told him, “You can’t do that with an infant.”
A few days ago God reminded me of the verse, “Do not be anxious about anything, but with prayer and petition offer your requests to God” (Philipeans 4:6). He encouraged me to begin to pray every time I start to worry. That is going to have to become habit; my tendency is to worry to the point of obsessing.
I have no solving words to end this with. Just that I want to pray more. Trust more. And what I truly want to do is relax and enjoy this wonderful time, more.
posted by Jen | 1:15 PM
1 Comments:
I couldn't help but comment on this post Jen. You met my friends Lauren and Jon at my BBQ last summer. They just had their baby in march and it was the most amazing thing for them. In the beginning she was scared to death and didn't like babies. It was such a transformation watching her just love this bump in her belly. Its a life! A life that you and Dave Created. There is no greater gift in life, well... except good food ;) Just kidding. Love and creating life are gifts that God gave us. He also gave us the tools of comfort. Don't be afraid to depend on the people around you the next 7 months. You are going to be a great mother and fear is normal.
Post a Comment
<< Home